i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
