I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
