he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
