im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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