Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
