As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
