ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
ok first of all what the fuck
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
