Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
