absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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