it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
