Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
