Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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