just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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