sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
