you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He shit in the fireplace
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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