I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
