hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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