physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
