i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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