I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
