I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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