He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
