Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
