is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
