Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
