Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
