i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
