He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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