Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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