you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Semen is not good for contacts.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
