if you like me you must not know who I am
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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