buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
