he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
worst night to have a conscience
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
