I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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