im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
