anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
