Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
