my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
