I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
