The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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