i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
