I met the friendliest cop last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
