Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
