What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
