forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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