she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
