Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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