Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
