The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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