dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
