Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
In America we eat man semen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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