i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize