I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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