You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
